Your Life Line

This story is part of Cut up Kids and Born Survivors on BBC 3
Self-harming since the age of 15

It has been estimated that 10% of young people in Britain have self-harmed. There are no official figures, but hospital records show that nearly 500 adolescents a week are treated for deliberately injuring themselves. Emma Parsons, producer of Born Survivors: Cut Up Kids, reveals why one woman resorted to self-harm.

Tor is a country girl who grew up surrounded by ponies and public school life. She had a normal childhood, with a normal family.

BORN SURVIVORS Tuesday 18 December 10.30pm, BBC Three Cut Up Kid

But mounting pressure to achieve the entry grades for an exclusive sixth form college caused her to crack, and self-harm became a large part of her life.

"You just take a knife," says Tor. "You just press it down on your skin and you just pull it. You end up bleeding.

"When you drag the blade across your skin it just feels a release.

"It's like when you hold your breath, hold your breath. You just feel you are going to blow up. Self-harm is like when you breathe again."

Her problems began while preparing for her GCSE's at the age of 15. She felt a large amount of pressure to do well in her exams and her parents sent her to a crammer college in Oxford.

She and her school had high expectations that she would get excellent grades.

Secretly 'coping'

As a way of coping with the pressure, she and her friend carved hearts into their arms with a pair of compasses.

"I think this is when it occurred to me that this could be a way of helping myself and letting the pain inside disappear," she explains. "It was a kind of release".

"I'd never known or heard of anyone self-harming so it didn't occur to me that that's what it was."

She would hurt herself at most once or twice a week in private in the school toilets.

Tor's best friend Gary understands self-harm as he also cuts himself.

She moved on from using compasses to pencil sharpener blades and scalpels taken from the art room. She only cut on the tops of her arms to ensure that no one would see. For Tor, self-harm was private.

"It's not fashion, it's not attention seeking, it's not about being cool or hard.

"It's very secret, it's a secret thing.

By sixth form the school and Tor's parents had started to guess something was wrong. Tor was no longer achieving academically. She was often angry and would punch the school walls as a way of hurting her self.

"Because they are all bumpy, if you punched them hard enough you end up cutting your knuckles," she said.

The self-harm was still a secret, even as her family tried to help her. She saw a doctor and was diagnosed with depression.

By the age of 20, Tor had dropped out of agricultural college and was homeless. She found herself in Southampton and after living in a few homeless shelters was given a bedsit in a Southampton housing project run by the YMCA. It was here that her self-harm reached its peak.

She was self-harming on a daily basis. She bought a set of kitchen knives and would also use cigarettes and lighters to burn herself.

In a single year, she was treated in hospital on over 30 occasions.


Life changing

She first began to turn her life round when she was given support by a Community Psychiatric Nurse who taught her different coping strategies.

She also joined Safe House, a drop-in centre for vulnerable young people in Southampton.

"Since being in Southampton I've not had to hide what I'm feeling; I can just be myself.

Gary and Tor"When you've had to hide everything, you kind of don't learn everything and grow up as you should.

"You kind of have to re-start that over again. It's kind of what it felt like coming down to Southampton - just restarting being a teenager and going through it all again."

After nine years of self-harming and now aged 24, Tor has found a career she loves and hopes she can move forward with her life.

She was offered the chance to learn to sail and the experience had a dramatic effect on her. She now hopes to pursue sailing professionally.

"I think sailing has really helped. Just thinking about it or doing it has been a great distraction technique for me and has taken my mind off self-harming all together."

"It's been tough but it's been worth it 'cause now I've found something I really want to do.

"If it wasn't for sailing I might be back where I was."

Tor's story features in the BBC Three documentary Born Survivors: Cut Up Kids which will be broadcast at 10.30pm on Tuesday, 18 December.

Self-harm can be a way of dealing with very strong emotions. One way Rob Joy who tells his story on this website descibes self harms is that it gives the relief that crying may provide for the rest of us.

People who self-harm are often labelled as 'attention seeking'. However, it is important not to belittle the actions of the person using this label, a person who self-harms is actually communicating something so it is important to try to listen to what they are communicating without the filter of "its just attention seeking" they are experiencing distress, and self-harm as in rob and Tor's story can be a hidden problem that goes on for years.

It may start as a spur-of-the-moment outlet for anger and frustration (such as punching a wall) and then develop into a major way of coping with stress that, because it remains hidden, generates more stress.

The severity of self-harm doesn't depend on the severity of a person's underlying problems. Usually, as time passes, the person who is self-harming becomes more accustomed to the pain they inflict on themselves and so has harm themselves more severely to get the same level of relief.

This spiral can lead to permanent injury and serious infections.

Types of self-harm

The most common forms are cutting the arms, hands and legs, and less commonly the face, abdomen, breasts and even genitals. Some people burn or scald themselves, others inflict blows on their bodies, or bang themselves against something.

Other forms of self-harm include scratching, picking, biting, scraping and occasionally inserting sharp objects under the skin or into body orifices, and swallowing sharp objects or harmful substances.

Common forms of self-injury that rarely reach medical attention include people pulling out their own hair and eyelashes, and scrubbing themselves so hard they break the skin (sometimes using cleaners such as bleach).

How common is it?

About ten per cent of admissions to UK medical wards are as a result of self-harm. Women are at the most risk of self-harming between the ages of 15 and 19; men, between 20 and 24.

Women have higher rates of self-harm than men.

Methods of self-harm vary, but the majority of hospital admissions are for drug overdoses - only five to 15 per cent are caused by cutting.

These figures probably hide another group of people who regularly self-harm to relieve stress. These people have usually found ways to keep their problem hidden and, when they do harm themselves badly enough to need treatment, will often have a story prepared, or will not seek help at all. The result can be permanent disfigurement or a serious infection.

About half the men admitted to hospital for self-harm and a quarter of women have drunk alcohol in the hours beforehand. This is a very worrying figure. A person who has taken a drug overdose runs the risk of the drugs interacting with the alcohol. Both tcould become more potent when mixed, with tragic consequences.

It's important to make a distinction between self-harm and attempted suicide, though people who self-mutilate often go on to attempt suicide as did Rob in his story.

Many people indulge in behaviour that's harmful to themselves, such as smoking or drinking to excess. But people don't smoke to damage themselves - harm is an unfortunate side-effect. The reason they smoke is for pleasure. Yet people who cut themselves intend to hurt themselves.

You're not alone

If you self-harm as a way of coping with stressful or difficult feelings, such as anger, frustration or worthlessness, the important thing to realise is that you're not alone. Many people do this and come through it. There is help out there.

The kind of personal exploration needed to resolve these issues is often best done with a mental health professional or counsellor. But this doesn't mean that people who self-harm can't take some control of their situation.

Self-help

Most people who self-harm want to stop hurting themselves and they can do this by trying to develop new ways of coping and communicating. However, some people feel a need not only to change their behaviour but also to understand why they have resorted to harming themselves.

There are a number of techniques that can reduce the risk of serious injury or minimise the harm caused by self-inflicted injury. This list is not exhaustive - different people find different things useful in various situations. So if one doesn't work, try another.

• Stop and try to work out what would have to change to make you no longer feel like hurting yourself
• Count down from ten (nine, eight, seven)
• Point out five things, one for each sense, in your surroundings to bring your attention on to the present
• Breathe slowly - in through the nose and out through the mouth

Sources of support

If you're nervous about seeking professional help and wish to remain anonymous it may be a good idea to contact the Samaritans.

Professional help

Self-harm is almost always a symptom of another underlying problem. While the problem can be addressed directly through behavioural and stress-management techniques, it may also be necessary to look at and treat other problems. This could involve anything from medication to simply talking therapies.

Most local mental health teams are prepared to see and assess people who self-harm but, where the underlying problems are too complex, may decide to refer the patient to more specialist services. It's essential self-harm is destigmatised so that people seek help early on. Modifying our bodies is part of contemporary culture, for example piercing, cosmetic surgery (breast enhancement and nose jobs), hair removal, skin bleaching, hair straightening and tattooing.