Your Life Line

I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and started to lose alot of friends, I was very unpredictable and inside I was completley tormented. I had progressed onto crack cocaine and I was totally dependent on this drug for months, I went from being a very strong and very confident fearless man to a very scrawny 8 stone weakling with really bad drug physcosis. My girlfriend fell pregnant, although unplanned, I was over the moon. It was the first time in several months that anything good had happened in my life and I was determined to get off the drugs and make a new life for myself, but no matter how hard I tried I would keep falling into the same old trap, time after time after time. Drugs had completley ruined my life and now I was desperate to stop and I couldnt. I was at a place in my life where I feared I would die I had often contemplated suicide as the only way out. I hated who I was and what I had done and realised I was nothing to nobody. I could no longer feel loved or feel I could love anyone, I have heard people say they are lonely, perhaps they are but to feel that nothing no longer mattered left such sadness that I did not know how to express this and hated the feeling this is loneliness.